On the Job by Anita Bruzzese What To Do When the Gossip is About....You

On the Job by Anita Bruzzese What To Do When the Gossip is About....You Go ahead and fess up.I know you look at those gossip rags near the checkout supermarket lines. I know that you know that Brad and Angelina had twins. I also know that you are aware John Edwards cheated on his wife, Elizabeth. If you dont know these things, then youre not human and obviously live under a rock.As much as all of us proclaim we dont listen, see, spread, smell or otherwise consume gossip, we really do. Maybe not on purpose. Maybe just by accident. We cant help it, we say. We cant walk around with our palms over our ears singing nah, nah, nah or slap our hands over our eyes so that we dont see Britney Spear exiting a car sans underwear.And the same is true of the workplace. If you have a job, then you have gossip. Maybe we dont even think of it as gossip, but call it that more politically correct term, office politics. We listen to it because sometimes our very survival depends on it. Were aware of the blow-up the boss had with his boss. We know that positions may be cut i n another department. We have heard that a co-worker has been demoted for yelling at a colleague. All of that, we say, is important stuff we need to know.But then one day, youre sitting at work, and you realize that the talk is about you. You realize there are discussions about the mistake you made last month that cost the company money. Or, you find out that people are talking about your son being arrested for DUI. Maybe there are snickers or sly glances your way and lots of hushed tones to indicate youre the subject of some kind of gossip.You ignore it as long as you can. Youre hoping it goes away. You figure the gossips will tire of you and move onto something else. Still, no matter how much you try to put it out of your mind, you realize that the gossip mill continues to grind away, and youre still caught in it.While our mothers may have taught the old sticks and stones routine to us when we were in school, it doesnt always work when were older. For one thing, gossip can hurt ou r careers. For another, it can make us physically sick and unable to do our jobs. And heres the real modern-day kick: It can continue to be spread online.So, what to do when you realize youre the object of gossip at work? There are several routes to take, depending on what you feel is best for you at the time:1. Confront the source. This takes a lot of guts, and you need to do it in a calm way. Walk up to the person and say: I heard that youve been discussing issues in my personal/professional life. Then, summarize what youve heard: I understand that youve been talking about my son/job performance, and I would appreciate it if you would come to me if you have any questions or comments rather than talking to others about it. 2. Ask for help. If you think someone may be talking about you, but youre not sure (or maybe are sure), then you can act as if youre enlisting their aid, which can help shame them into stopping their wagging tongue. There seems to be gossip going around about me. I dont know if youve heard it, but its really not OK with me. If you hear anyone gossiping about me, Id appreciate it if you tell them to stop.3. Keep your nose clean. The worst thing you can do if youre being gossiped about is to attack with the same kind of talk. Make sure no one sucks you into talking about the person who may be gabbing about you, or tries to ratchet up the destructive comments. Just change the subject, or say: You know, I dont like talking about other people. I know what that feels like, and its really hurtful.4. Go to the boss. This can be risky. If your boss doesnt support you in stopping the gossip and confronting the ones at fault, then the gossip is only bound to get worse. The only choice may be leaving the job. Still, if your company has a formal policy in place that states no gossiping, you could have a better foundation to build your case.What would you do if you were being gossiped about at work? Is there any way to avoid it? del.icio.us